The Honeymoon Is Over

Somehow - overnight - Ethan has gone from loving Emily and his big boy bed to not enjoying either. I know a lot of what he's doing is normal, but I immediately blamed myself for all of it. One day, he was petting Emily like a soft kitten and the next he was pressing on her soft spot so hard that her eyes were kind of popping out. One day, he was singing himself to sleep (preferred tunes were America the Beautiful and Jesus Loves Me) and the next he was coming out of his room in a full blown meltdown...for hours.

I'd like to think that my kids will read this blog one day and go, "Oh, now I get why Mom was so crazy back in 2012!" So, in hoping for that, I have an apology to issue to you Ethan.

Let me start by saying that I'm not - and never will be - perfect. I don't have all the answers. And I have a short fuse a lot of times. In fact, a few weeks ago I had to tell you I was sorry and that I'd lost my patience. For the rest of the day, compliments of God's sense of humor, you repeated "Mommy lost her patience, Mommy lost her patience" over and over again. Every time you did, I was reminded that even though I wear the Mommy badge, I am not the picture of perfection.

This week, I received an article from my dear friend Maggie. The article was written by a mom who felt the same way a lot of us do. She assured other moms that even though the pantry isn't alphabetized, my stomach's a little jiggly, and my idea of "homemade" anything is when I use a can opener, my kids don't care. You just want me. 

At that moment I put down the laundry basket and the 2-page single spaced to do list, and I got down on the floor and we played. My independent little boy was instantly in my lap, loving on me and telling me I was pretty (on a day when I was feeling far from it). We finished your train puzzle in record time and you said, "Mommy did a great job." And as we drove to Target to get a cookie from the snack bar and grab some diapers, you helped me name all the people who love you - with Jesus and Mommy topping the list. At that point I realized that I hadn't spent time with just you in over 3 months. THREE MONTHS.

So, I'm sorry. I can't promise I won't get caught up in the to do list again. I can't promise that I won't lose my patience again. And I know you'll get up and have a meltdown again. And you'll probably try to dislocate something on Emily tomorrow. But I love you. Always will.

Love,
Mommy

I feel like this photo needed an explanation. Jeffrey and Ethan were planting some trees in the backyard. Thanks for the saplings, Aaron!